Snape's Lost Love
by Katarina Phillippe
Summary: I am not very good at summaries, but the title is kind of self explanitory.
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer: These character do not belong to me except for Jennifer. They belong to the talented J.K. Rowling. Please don't sue me because I don't have that kind of money. That goes for the rest of the story as well.

Snape's Lost Love

Chapter One

I walked into the Great Hall, she was sitting there with James. I never knew what she saw in him. He had his arm around her and it made me sick. She was too good for that show off. He didn't treat her right, it wasn't like he would hurt her or anything but he didn't treat her like the Princess that she was. She looked up and saw me looking at her, I couldn't turn away. How could I turn away from those beautiful light blue eyes? She wasn't the only one that caught me staring at her, James did too. Let's just say that he wasn't very happy about it.

He got up and headed over to where I was. I was nervous because James was unquestionably stronger than me. To top it all off he best friend Sirius wasn't far behind. When he got over to me he looked at me and looked straight back at him. I didn't want to let him know that I was scared of him. "I don't know what kind of weird obsession you have with my girlfriend, but if I catch you looking at her one more time I am going to poke both of your eyes out." He stood there and I didn't know what to say. I knew that if I talked then he could hear the fear in my voice so I just nodded. "You better watch out Snivillus" Sirius said before they turned and left.

'Snivillus' I thought to myself, oh how I hated when they called me that. Jennifer never called me that, she was too sweet. We hardly ever talked though because she was constantly with James. There was no way I could talk to her with him right there. We had one class together without James though, Divination. That is the only reason I took that class, I was awful at it but it is worth the extra work to be with her.

I had potions class next, I headed over to the dungeons and sat on the other side of the room from James, Sirius, Jennifer, Remus, and Peter. Potions was easily one of my favorite subjects, I was good at it too. There was only one class I liked more, Defense Against the Dark Arts. I was really good at that class too, but no one ever got to see it. James and Siruis took every opportunity to make fun of me, and answering questions made me an easy target so I kept my mouth shut. The potion that we were supposed to make was on the board. I carefully mixed the ingredients and my potion turned the clear blue color it was supposed to. When we were asked to turn it in I poured it into a vial.

James walked over to me and smiled. "What do you want Potter?" I asked suspiciously. "I just thought the way I acted this morning was immature and I thought I would offer to clean your cauldron out for you." I didn't see the harm in it. I nodded and he poured out the rest of my potion into the sink and ran the water over it. I watched carefully to make sure that he didn't do anything to my cauldron. He set it back on the counter and smiled, I thought that he was actually trying to make an effort to be nice to me. I was wrong. He headed back over to his seat. I got up to give the teacher the vial. I held my head up as I walked past James, Jenny, and Sirius. I didn't want James or Sirius to think I was afraid of them, I didn't want Jenny to think I was afraid of them either. I didn't look like I was scared but I also didn't see James put his foot out to trip me. I fell flat on my face right in front of Jenny, the potion flew out of my hand and shattered when it hit the floor. Everyone in the room broke out laughing. I thought I would die of embarrassment. I couldn't even look at Jenny, I didn't think I could bear it if she was laughing at me too. I quickly grabbed my things and hurried out of the room.

I walked down the corridor at top speed. Then I heard her voice behind me. "Severus," her voice was the sweetest thing I had ever heard in my entire life. I turned around to look at her. She ran up to me. "Are you alright? I am really sorry that James did that. He doesn't think about these things sometimes. He doesn't understand how it affects other people." She said softly. He knew very well how it affected me and that is why he did it. "I am fine" I said. She smiled, oh how I love when she smiled. I love everything about her, her smile, her long blonde hair, her laugh, her eyes, everything. "Well I better get back, James said he would wait for me outside the classroom. Bye Severus" she said as she turned to leave. I loved the way she said my name. I never liked my name, but the way she said it made it sound like a poem and not a name. I watched her as she walked away. I couldn't believe anyone that perfect existed on earth.

A/N Ok that was the first chapter and I am already working on the second one! Please review! Thank you and I will get the second chapter out ASAP! Late!

Katarina 


	2. Chapter Two

Snape's Lost Love

Chapter Two

I walked down the road slowly looking into the windows of the shops of Hogsmeade. Christmas was growing closer, I wasn't expecting any gifts. I had no friends and my parents didn't care for me much. They hardly noticed when I was home and wasn't. I stayed at school during breaks, even though I didn't have anyone to hang out with. I like to be around people. I would never tell him, but I envied James more than anyone. I wanted to be like him, have friends that I can trust, a girlfriend that is so beautiful and that loves me more than anything and parents that care about me.

I turned and saw it, saw the perfect thing for her. It was almost like it was calling me. Telling me to look and telling me that I had to get it for her. Jennifer would love it, I could just picture her face lighting up when she saw it. I wanted to get it, to get it for her no matter what. I didn't care how much it cost, I would have spent every knut I had to give her that. To see her and hear her say my name again. It sat there and I knew it was perfect for her. The elegant diamond was shaped as a heart and the platinum chain was so delicate. It was almost glowing with love, it looked as if it was giving off its own light.

I walked into the store, and hurried to the saleswoman. "How much is that necklace in the window?" I asked and she looked at me and almost laughed and turned away without answering. I was offended and I asked again but this time a little more forcefully "how much is that necklace in the window?" She looked at me again "30 gallons" she said simply. I reached into my pocket and pulled out everything I had. I counted out 30 gallons, my family was quiet wealthy and I usually had enough money to get me by. I looked down at my money, if I bought the necklace he would only have 12 knuts left.

I thought about it and I finally decided that she was worth it, she was worth anything. I gave her the money, and she handed me a bag with the necklace in it. I pulled it out and looked at it, I knew she would love it but I wasn't sure how I could give it to her. Where ever she was James was not far behind. I need to find a way to give her this, without James finding out. The question was, how? I walked into the Three Broomsticks and bought a butterbeer with the rest of my money. As I sipped on it I caught sight of James, Jennifer, Sirius and his girlfriend, Jessica. I watched as Jennifer smiled at James and he smiled back. Oh! I hated James, I hated the way Jennifer was so into him. I wanted her to look at me like that, I wanted to be with her, I loved her.

A/– There, I know that isn't a super-long chapter but I hope you like it, please review! 


	3. Chapter Three

Snape's Lost Love

Chapter Three

I woke up early on Christmas and even thought I was still sleepy I dragged myself out of bed. I knew that if I didn't get up then my plan to give Jennifer the necklace would never work. Everything had to be perfect because she deserved nothing less. I quickly put on my clothes and grabbed the necklace and put it into my pocket. I walked out of my room and into the Slytherin Common Room, it was colder in there. I opened the door and walked slowly down the corridor. It was still early and no one was up yet. I finally got to the Gryffindor Common Room. A painting of a lady in a pink dress was there. "Password" she said and my heart sank. How could I have forgotten about the password? Everything was so carefully planned out, but I had to make a stupid mistake like this. I didn't know what to do now. "What are you doing here, Severus?" I heard someone say behind me. I turned around, Jessica was standing there. Everything was ruined, there was no way that I could give Jenny the necklace now. I didn't know the password and now Jessica was here.

"What are you doing here?" She repeated. I don't know what came over me. I looked at Jess and all of the sudden my mouth started moving. I was sure that my brain had taken no part in this decision. "I bought Jennifer a necklace for Christmas. I had to find a way to give it to her without James around because you know how he feels about me. I had a plan and it was almost perfect, except I forgot to find out the password. I can't believe I made such a stupid mistake. I have to give her the necklace, I love her and I just need her to know how I feel" I said before it fully registered. She just stared at me and then smiled. "You love her?" She asked and I nodded. "She loves you too" she said softly. I was sure I heard her wrong. "What?" I asked. "She loves you too" she said looking up at me.

This was news that I was never prepared for. "She said that?" I asked and Jessica shook her head. I knew it, I said to myself, how could she love me. "She doesn't have to say it, I am her best friend. We have been best friends since the day we came to Hogwarts, I know these things" she said. I looked at her "what about James" I asked. She shrugged "I don't know what his deal is, he is too conceited. He thinks he is god's gift to the world, she doesn't love him" she said. I kept thinking that this was a dream and I was going to wake up and Jenny and James were going to be in love and I would be alone for the rest of my life.

"Can I see the necklace?" Jessica asked. I nodded and pulled it out of my pocket and she took it and stared at it. "It is beautiful. It must have cost you a few gallons" she said. I nodded "I just need a way to give it to her" I said. Jessica nodded "do you want my help?" I was surprised "you would help me?" I asked and she nodded "Jenny is my best friend, and this would make her so happy, I want to see her happy" she said. "I would love your help" I said sincerely. "Go to the Astronomy tower at 9 tonight, she will be there. I won't tell her it's you but I will say there is a surprise up there. I will tell James and Sirius that we need some best friend time and that we are going to hang out for a while. None the wiser" she said happily. I couldn't believe this, it would be perfect, she would love it. "Ok. Thank you so much" I said. She nodded and I headed back to my common room to get some more sleep.

A/N Chapter Three! I know it took me forever, but there it is. I don't know if it is any good. Please review so I know! Thank you! I will update as soon as I write the next chapter! Review, review, review and I might just write faster! Late! Katarina 


	4. Chapter Four

Snape's Lost Love

Chapter Four

I walked up the stairs to the Astronomy tower, they seemed to go on forever. When the stairs finally ended I couldn't believe that Jenny was going to be here with me. There was a small light, lighting a very small portion of the tower. She would be up there with me and we would stand together. As I thought about this, I panicked, I couldn't face Jennifer. I couldn't take the pain if she told me that she didn't feel the same way as I did. If she told me that she didn't love me the way that she did, I didn't think I could go on. She would be up there in just seconds and if I headed back down the stairs now she would see me. I didn't know what to do. I pulled the small box that held the necklace and set it where the beam of light illuminated the ground. I moved back into the shadows, she would see the necklace but not me.

I heard the door creak and saw her. She was wearing a dark blue dress, I guessed that she would be going out with James later. She caught sight of the box and gracefully flowed over to it and picked it up. A smiled broke out on her face as she opened the tiny box. She took it out of the box and put it on. She looked down on it and I could see the happiness in her eyes. She looked around and when she didn't see anyone she opened the door and headed back down the stairs.

I am not sure how long I was standing there, alone in the darkness. It could have been five minutes, or five hours all I know is that I couldn't move. She loved it, but she only loved it because she didn't know who it was from. If I would have been there she wouldn't have liked it, or would she? A part of me wanted to know how she felt about me but the other part didn't want to be let down. I don't want to know, I told myself... at least for now.

A/N Yes I know it is really really short! I hope it is at least good. Please review so I know if it is bad or good or what. I will try to write more... late

K 


	5. Chapter Five

Snape's Lost Love

Chapter Five

Jessica ran up to me. I was sitting alone at the Slytherin table as usual. "What happened? Jenny came back last night and said that no one was at the Astronomy tower," she said "but she is wearing the necklace. What happened Snape?" I looked up at her, I couldn't tell her because she wouldn't understand. She doesn't know what it is like to like someone and not have them like you back. "Snape?" She said a little more insistently. "I just couldn't" I said weakly and a puzzled look came across her face. "What do you mean?" She asked and I wasn't sure how to make her understand. "I couldn't take it if she didn't feel the same way," I said "it would break my heart, and I couldn't take that kind of pain!" "Oh," Jessica said quietly "I understand." "Really?" I asked, I was surprised. No one ever understood me, but to tell the truth no one ever really tried to. "You will tell her when you are ready, and then there won't be pain. Trust me! I know..." she said and then she got up and headed over to the Gryffindor table.

I didn't understand what she meant by that. I looked down at my breakfast, it was untouched. I left it and decided to take a walk out on the grounds. The snow covered the ground, making it look like the color was swiped from the world. It wasn't the ideal day to be taking a stroll, but I never minded the cold. If asked whether they would rather be extremely hot or extremely cold many would choose hot, not me. I sat down on the cold iced ground and stared at the castle. It was dark and almost gothic but there was a glow that it gave off. It was good energy, I had a suspicion that it had something to do with the holidays. Everyone gave off the same cheery energy, well everyone except for me. Jessica seemed to think that Jennifer could love me, but I didn't see how that was possible. How could anyone love me? I barely thought that I could love. I never knew how love worked until I saw Jennifer. I know that this is love, it couldn't be anything else. Nothing in the world could feel more like ecstasy.

The sky started to get dark and I headed back to the castle. I walked into the entrance hall and I was engulfed with holiday warmth. I walked toward the Slytherin common room, I knew that the feast would be soon but I wasn't sure if I should go. I probably will just ruin everyone else's fun I thought bitterly. I heard someone call my name and I spun around quickly to see that I was standing face to face with Jennifer.

She smiled and pushed her blonde curls out of her face. "Hey Severus," she said sweetly "happy Christmas." "Happy Christmas," I said. "I got you something," she said pulling out a small wrapped package. She handed it to me and I was stunned. I slowly opened it, it was a small gold coin with two small S's engraved upon it. "It's your initials," she said. I was still in disbelief, "I... uh... um... well," I stuttered "thank you" I said finally. "You are really welcome" she said meaningfully. Maybe she really did like me, what if Jess was right? Should I tell her? What should I do? Then I realized that she didn't know that the necklace was from me and that I didn't have another gift to give her. "I am... um... sorry I didn't get you anything," I said. "It's okay. I hope to see you at the Christmas party," she said. "I don't think that I was invited," I said awkwardly. "Oh, well then we can hang out after" she said and my heart skipped a beat. "How about you meet me here at midnight and we can go get some coffee or something?" She said and I nodded. "Sure" I said almost over-excitedly, but she didn't notice. "Ok, see you then," she turned and walked away.

I couldn't believe what had just happened. I stared down at the coin, it was amazing. I hurried back to my room and tucked it safely away where I knew that no one would find it. I took a shower and got dressed, I was going to look my best no matter how hard it was. She is going to have the best time with me, we are going to be friends if nothing else. 


	6. Chapter Six

A/N– I know that Jennifer seems like a Mary-Sue, but that is only because this story is in Snape's perspective and he thinks that she is perfect in every way. She has some dirt that hasn't been reveled yet, but it will be later. This chapter is really really short I know, but I will post again like tomorrow! P.S. My Patriots won!!!!

Snape's Lost Love

Chapter Six

I sat in bed the next morning staring at the ceiling thinking about the previous night. I didn't know what to expect but that definitely wasn't it. I waited in my dorm for midnight to come, the time ticked away so slowly I would have sworn the clock was broken. But when it had finally come I jumped up and almost ran to the spot when I hoped Jenny was waiting. When I saw her she had been crying, her lip was bleeding, she had been beaten badly. She looked over at me with her bright blue eyes, but there was something missing in them. The light had gone out she looked, for lack of a better word, sad.

I ran up to her, I needed to know what was wrong. I needed to help her. "What happened?" I asked urgently. "James," she said quietly "he hit me." I couldn't believe my ears, I wanted to hurt James. I wanted to hurt him more than I have ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. I didn't even say anything, I knew what I wanted to do. I turned and headed straight toward the Gryffindor common room, to get James. Then I heard her voice and I couldn't go farther. "No, don't do it. Please don't." I felt her hand wrap around my arm, holding me back. "He hit you!" I yelled pulling my arm away furiously. "Shhhh, he didn't mean to," she whispered and my mouth fell open in disbelief. "He didn't mean to?!? What did he fist just FALL onto your face?!? Why the hell did he do this?!?" I said as quietly as I could. "He found out about the necklace you gave me," she whispered. 


	7. Chapter Six Part Two

A/N– I know that this chapter is short... but it is kind of the second part to Chapter Six, if that makes any sense!

Snape's Lost Love

Chapter Six (Part Two)

"The necklace that I gave you?" I asked trying to sound as if I didn't know what she was talking about. "He had too much to drink at the party," she sighed. "He saw the necklace and asked me where I came from, when I didn't answer he started yelling at me. Sirius tried to calm him down but he would listen. He hit me and then Jess jumped in and he turned around and hit her. He said that she should mind her own business and he hit her again, Sirius was furious. He pulled James away from Jess, he beat him so bad that he could barely walk. Sirius said that if he ever laid a hand on her or me again that he would kill him. I was so scared, Jessica and I went to our room. She told me that I should go see you, that I should tell you what happened. Did you really give me this necklace?" She asked holding the shimmering diamond heart in her hand. I nodded and she smiled, I was so glad that she smiled. I loved her smile, it made me feel good.

She moved closer to me, we were within inches of each other. I leaned down and kissed her, she wrapped her arms around me. Then she suddenly pulled away, I was taken aback. "I... can't," she shuttered. "James." She turned and ran away, I stood speechless for a long time. I didn't know how to get my feet to carry me back, I am not even sure how long I stood there and I don't remember when I got back to my room. 


	8. Chapter Seven

A/N– I'm back. School is out and now I finally have time to write. I have been pretty wrapped up in live journal lately, but now I'm back!

Snape's Lost Love

Chapter Seven

The next day at breakfast, everything was normal. Jessica was resting her head on Sirius's shoulder as she crammed for the Potions test. Sirius was laughing at something idiotic that James said and Jenny was just sitting there, smiling. As always, her smile lit up the group. How everyone could be going on as if nothing had happened?

At that moment, I realized that everything was an act. Everything that they were, was fake. I just stared at them, finally understanding. It was all for show, it always had been. Popularity, it was all an elaborate game. They knew it, they knew that everyday they were living a lie and they didn't care. I couldn't understand how all that was worth it. Was it really better to be unhappy then to be disliked? This was the price they paid for what they had, school superiority.

But it was eating away at Jenny. I could see it in her eyes. She didn't want to be there, she didn't want to hide behind that smile anymore. I knew it, the only problem was that she didn't. How could I get her to come with me, to be happy. I couldn't let her be that girl anymore. I couldn't let her die inside before she was able to live! 


	9. Chapter Eight

A/N– I know that I haven't updated for ages! I think the last time was a the beginning of summer? Now, it's December! Sorry! I didn't abandoned this story, I swear! I had a severe case of writers block. But now, it's finished. You are looking at the second to last chapter! Alright, enough of my life story... on to the story!! (I also fixed the spelling as best I could on the rest of the chapters.)

Snape's Lost Love

Chapter Eight

I don't know what was going through my mind when I went over to them. I didn't know what I wanted to accomplish by walking over to James, I didn't even know what I was going to say! I just knew that I was fed up with the way that everything was going.

"Potter," I said furiously. James stood up immediately. He was much bigger than me but I wasn't going to back down now. "Snape!" Sirius had stood up as well. "This isn't a good idea!" I didn't really care if it was a good idea or not, I had to tell him what I what I was thinking.

James's eyes flickered with hate, "I was going to let this go Snape. I was just going to pretend that you don't have a strange obsession with my girlfriend, with my life for that matter! No matter how much you fantasize about kissing my girlfriend, it's not going to happen." I smiled, "too late." James look from me to Jenny. Her eyes started to fill with tears, but I didn't care. My hate for James ran just as deep as my love for Jennifer and at that moment the hate was just too overwhelming.

Jenny turned away from James and he turned back to me. He lunged out to attack me but Siruis quickly grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and held him back. "Stop it now! There is no way that Snape could take you down. If you start something James, I swear that I will personally knock you senseless!"

Sirius let go of James, who quickly straightened his shirt. I gritted my teeth, "what's with the act James? Why does everyone need to think that your life is perfect. Does it really suck bad enough that you have to make another whole reality where you feel superior? Where everyone plays along in James land! I'm sorry that I didn't want to be a pawn in your twisted game! Sucks when someone rocks the boat doesn't it James?"

James's mouth was moving but no sound was coming out. He looked slightly like a fish out of water. Then he seemed to have finally gathered his thoughts. "I'm not forcing anyone to do anything," he smiled. It's not my fault if people just want to be me!" Jessica stood up, "shut up James! Snape is right! This is stupid and it's over. I have no clue what I have been thinking. You are nothing special, but for some reason we all held you up on this high platter. I don't know what kind of weird control you have on all of us James, we just go along with everything you say. I care about Jennifer and Sirius! I really do! I know what we do is wrong and I don't want to hurt them. Still whenever you ask me to, whenever you see fit, you can have your way with me. I don't know why, all that I can think of is that I had become accustomed to life at the top of the social ladder and I didn't want to mess that up. It's really over, I don't care what I am to anyone anymore! I'm out of this! I'm over with this sick, twisted, manipulative lifestyle that I have become used to!"

She walked out of the great hall. Sirius, Jenny and I all stood stunned by what she had just said. Everything ran deeper than even I imagined. Sirius turned to James, this was a whole lot for him to take in. He didn't say anything for a while. He finally took a deep breath, "best friends? Anything we ever were, forget it!" He turned and headed out after Jessica.

"Happy?" James asked. "Ecstatic," I said sarcastically. "Well, now that you have officially ruined everyone's life..." he began. "Ruined everyone's life? I didn't ruin everyone's life, I just exposed your little charade!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. James smiled evilly, "what people don't know doesn't hurt them!" "You were manipulating everyone!" I yelled! He nodded, "they were all happy with it too. No one even knew you existed! And you won't exist for much longer if I have anything to say about it." He laughed and rushed out of the Great Hall.

I looked up at Jenny, tears were streaming down her face. I walked up to her and put my arms around her and she sobbed. I looked at me and whispered, "I love you Severus! But, everything is just too much."

She got up and walked slowly out of the Great Hall clutching her wand tightly. My feet seemed to have planted themselves to the ground, it was a few seconds before I remembered how to work them. I ran after her. She opened the door out to the grounds. I couldn't run fast enough, I was quite a way behind her.

I reached the door and swung it open, it was pouring rain outside. I could barely make out Jenny's figure, I ran out into the rain toward her. She was still holding her wand. I came closer and closer, I was almost there. Green sparks shot out of the end of her wand and she fell to the ground. I stopped dead and collapsed onto my knees, I screamed even thought I knew that no one would be able to hear me.

This wasn't supposed to happen, it's wasn't supposed to turn out this way. I just kept yelling, I couldn't do anything else. I dragged myself over to Jenny's body and wrapped my arms around her. I had to keep her warm, she would catch cold out here, I couldn't let her get sick. I didn't want to think about anything else, I just had to keep her warm. Tears were pouring out of my eyes and I could barely breath, but still I couldn't understand why.

Nothing was wrong, I just had to keep Jenny from getting sick. 


End file.
